I began meditating and talking to the Lord about why I felt so out of control. Why did I even feel like I needed to be in control of those things in the first place? The Lord spoke to me and said that feeling out of control is just being insecure. Well, I certainly didn't feel insecure! But I was, and I am still struggling with those feelings. Insecurity is simply not being sure of what is going to happen, what others might think of a certain situation, doubting and lacking confidence.
Dictionary.com says insecurity is "lack of confidence or assurance; self-doubt." Some synonyms relevant to our Christian faith are:
- built upon sand
- in the lion's den
- under fire
A few of those words caught my attention! "Built upon sand", "in the lion's den", "unprepared", "helpless." Those first two groups are right out of the Bible! My house is built on Christ the rock, not the sand (Matthew 7:25). And God delivered Daniel out of the lion's den and didn't let any harm come to him while he was in there (Daniel 6:16-23). How much more will He do for me?
The next group stopped me in my thought. Am I unprepared? Am I helpless? My hope is built on nothing less that Jesus Christ and righteousness (1 Corinthians 10:4)! I am prepared in season and out of season (2 Timothy 4:2). NOTHING surprises the Father! I have spent countless hours building up anger, getting frustrated with situations I can't control, wanting things this way or that, and being disappointed instead of trusting in God to work all things for my good (Romans 8:28).
As one of my favorite Casting Crowns songs says, "The voice of truth, tells me a different story. The voice of truth, says do not be afraid!"